"Dusty Ventures" (dustyventures) 12/13/2016 at 16:11 • Filed to: None

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God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99 cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.”

And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.

And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert.

And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”

And Satan brought forth chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained pounds.

And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil.” And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said; “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery...

And Satan created HMOs.

-Courtesy of Click and Clack

PatBateman > Dusty Ventures 12/13/2016 at 16:14

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GOD also made beef. I like beef. And chicken, too.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Dusty Ventures 12/13/2016 at 16:18

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brb off to get burger

Sam > Dusty Ventures 12/13/2016 at 16:18

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I’m taking full advantage of being able to eat whatever I want and only exercise occasionally, all without gaining much weight, right now. Once I’m mid-late 20s, I’ll probably need to re-invent my diet.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Dusty Ventures 12/13/2016 at 16:18

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Nice touch on the HMO bit

TheRealBicycleBuck > Sam 12/13/2016 at 16:22

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My wife’s cousin got into the habit of eating big so he could gain weight to be a more effective lineman on his college football team. Now he can’t stop eating despite weighing over 350 lbs.

Future next gen S2000 owner > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 12/13/2016 at 16:29

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mmmmm bacon cheeseburger......

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > Sam 12/13/2016 at 16:37

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It sticks around for some people. I’m 32, rarely exercise, eat what most people consider to be a ton of food everyday, and weigh 145 lbs (at 5'10"). It is near impossible for me to gain and retain weight. Nearly every doctor I’ve seen checks me for all kinds of issues that would affect my ability to gain weight but have never found anything.

For Sweden > Dusty Ventures 12/13/2016 at 16:39

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“And God created the healthful yogurt”

Look HamNo, your hate for the lactose-imtolerant will not stand.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > Dusty Ventures 12/13/2016 at 16:48

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And then God created the Lotus, and this was released upon the world:

(I am actually kinda proud of the results of this thread. H/T to MonkeePuzzle!)

XJDano > Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) 12/13/2016 at 18:58

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I am very much same. 5'6” at a comfortable 135#. I have to eat breakfast for sure, and if I’m not good or enough I get hungover type headaches. I fail to drink enough water though, just out of habit.

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > XJDano 12/14/2016 at 10:00

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Well, come on, breakfast is the greatest meal of all. I’m not sure what clicked in my head, but a few years ago I started drinking a lot of water. Prior to that, I never drank enough.